Thursday, June 18, 2009

The Thing Below (2004)

Caveo is est valde nocens! The Thing Below is an pathetically cheap looking CGI tentacle monster-alien-mutant something or the other. .

Monster in a Canister!

That gets loose in a oil rig/secret military lab/corporate research facility. .

Oil Rig?

Kills a bunch of (stupid) people. .

Notice anything strange?

Forcing the military-government-corporate goons running the project-lab-insane asylum to send yet other people into the mutant-alien-crazed monster's lair. .

A 3 hour tour...

Which the hack filmmakers decide is excuse enough for a gratuitous stripper scene. .

Hot!

Did I mention this scene stretches on for a while. .

Super Hot!

Before the monster starts killing yet more people. .

CGI!

Sadly THE THING BELOW plays like an dreadful, ineffective, plodding, illogical, and utterly pointless knock-off of DEEP EVIL. .

Deja Vu!

This movie is the bastard child of inbred morons from the planet Ludicrous. It's bad enough the premise is weak and clich├ęd but the plot, such as it is, is ill defined and never clearly developed within the movie itself. Considering the endless reams of inane exposition the characters bring the movie to a screeching halt to recite the lack of proper coherent and lucid plot and character development is inexcusable. If bad movies were a medieval village THE THING BELOW would be a murdered leper buried in the village dung heap. Recommended only for those cynical few who never believe reviewers when we say a movie is utter gobshite.

You said this was a real movie!

Caveat Emptor THE THING BELOW is available on: DVD

Scorecard:


Click for Score Card info.

# End of Line

Copyright © C. Demetrius Morgan

2 comments:

  1. For a "B" movie, I thought it was not the worst flic I've ever watched.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hiya! First of all I would like to state the fact that you really have organized a stunning blog. Also I am so excited to ask you one thing that I am interested of. Do you have plans to write in a professional way or running a blog is just a kind of hobby?

    ReplyDelete